Why my project failed again.
The last few months, life has taken us on a rollercoaster that doesn’t seem to end.
The failed photography challenge
As you may or may not know, I launched a photography challenge at the beginning of January. I wanted to give you, the very few readers of my blog, and myself a photography photowalk challenge each month. I was inspired and felt like I wanted to commit to something for the long run. The idea was to inspire other photographers to go outside, take a photowalk and pay attention to their surroundings to practice their ‘photographic eye’. The photowalk challenge would give them a new prompt, theme or task every month to focus on.
I didn’t expect it to last only two months… In February I went on a ski holiday and I tore my ACL in my left knee. A few weeks later, I got surgery in Belgium and everything just… fell apart. I was not able to do anything that I love except for reading books and National Geographic travel magazines (luckily I am a reader!). I had to stop climbing, bouldering, working, walking, hiking and I couldn’t even cook for myself for several weeks. I just had to sit, lay down, do physio exercises and rest. Everyday felt like the same. The worst part was that I couldn’t go outside anymore with my camera.
I just forgot about my photowalk challenge because I was not able to go on one myself. I wasn’t in the mood to write new blogposts about things I was longing for but couldn’t do.
Eventually, I found the courage to edit some work from previous travels. This gave me some joy but it’s not the same as creating outdoors. Now that I can walk and drive the car again, I’m trying to take my camera with me as much as possible. I can’t go on longer hikes or take less easy paths and squatting down to change the point of view is not an option right now. But still, I’m back creating stuff and I really like it.
New ideas, less pressure
When you’re not able to do anything except for resting, your brain starts to ramble and have a million ideas, at least mine does. I want to grow Captured Outdoors into something real but everything feels like a ‘to do’. I love take pictures and doing photoshoots but I feel so much pressure to stay present online, gain followers, send so many mails to potential commercial clients, just to be ignored anyway. I don’t want to be on Instagram everyday because I HAVE to post. I don’t want to make reels. I don’t want to create new things just for nobody to see them. So I stopped doing that.
I think I’m at the point that I stopped caring if my follower count goes down or Instagram doesn’t show my work to anyone. I love editing and I love posting photos but I want to do it on my own terms. I don’t want to put pressure on myself anymore. I already feel like doing this brought some new inspiration, creativity and motivation to try new things and get creative with my work.
Here’s a small list of things I want to try this summer (without pushing myself or doing it only ‘for the business’):
Photoshoots for a sustainable outdoor clothing brand ‘Sutsu’ who are interested in working with me
Experiment with making different types of photo zines
Create more versions of my finished zine about the Belgian coast
Test out different film camera’s and learn more about the mechanics
Do more film photography
Explore the option to have my own dark room to develop and scan film myself
Do photowalks around my neighborhood to see how I can photograph boring things and make it interesting
Try out film photography with the vintage box camera that my girlfriend got me
Print my work in different ways
Teach my mother-in-law and my girlfriend the basics of photography
Discover new places
Bring my camera to family meetings
…
I’m tired of waiting for my brain to stop doubting if I have enough skill to do something. I’m tired of waiting for clarity or stopping myself because ‘what if this goes nowhere?’ Well, then it doesn’t!
Let’s doubt less and create more :)
My girlfriend Sanne climbing in a T-shirt from Sutsu.